THE PHOENIX: When you are running by yourself for 3 hours 41 minutes and 47 seconds, you have A LOT of time to think and reflect. I was so absolutely invested in my relationship with my wife that I actually had her astrological sign (Sagittarius) tattooed on my side along with my sign (Scorpio) and my daughter’s sign (Gemini). A week before I went out to complete the longest run of my life to date, 20 miles, I had her sign tatooed over with a Phoenix. A Phoenix, the mythological bird that dies by bursting into flames and is reborn from the ashes to start a new life…so was it with me. So much of my heart and soul died in the months after my wife decided she wanted to separate and move to London, yet from that death there has been a rebirth. I have physically and emotionally been reborn. My body is is the best shape of its life, and emotionally I have conquered demons and fought through some of the most grueling tests of mental fortitude I have ever had to go through in my life. However, as I was out running 20 miles, fighting against the elements of wind and rain, there was absolutely one truth that just kept coming back over and over again…”Without my village, none of this would be possible.”
MY VILLAGE: To paraphrase the late, great, Lou Gehrig, “…today I consider myself the luckiest (wo)man on the face of the earth.” I have an incredible family who has been with me through all of this, supported me, lifted me up, took are of me, and will be there on race day in 19 days. I am beyond lucky to have been born into such a loving and supportive family. There is a very special group of women, most of whom I unequivocally considered to be “my wife’s friends” and who I separated myself from after our breakup. Then one evening, I was told in no uncertain terms, that they were all MY friends too. That group of women have opened their hearts, arms, homes and parties to me and given me a sense of belonging when I really, really needed it and I could never fully thank them for their empathy and love and I can’t wait to see them on the sidelines at the marathon. So many wonderful friends have reached out to me, and been there for me, over the last 8 months, and I am sure I will miss many, but please know that everyone’s kindness will never be forgotten. My former coach Jen, who checked in on me almost every day in the early months,to make sure I was ok. My amazing friends Heidi and Becky, who are constantly going out of their way to say hi and check in and let me know I am in their thoughts. My partners in crime and friends of 25 years Dina and Steph who have forever been there for me and continue to prove they will forever be there for me. My walking buddy Susan, who’s hours and laps around the lake talking/venting are definitely worth thousands in therapy bills. My daughter’s other mom, Susan, who has helped me out in so many ways, from inviting me over for dinner so I wouldn’t be alone, to helping me with our daughter in times I really just needed to be alone. You are, and always will be my family, thank you! My running coach and great friend, Amy, who promised she would be there for me every step of the way on this journey to 26.2 and she has absolutely kept up her end of the deal and in 19 days, I get to hold up my end. Thank you for everything Amy, I wouldn’t be here without you. I have run 340 miles in the last 17 weeks, and there is only 1 single person that I have allowed to run with me, and that’s my extraordinary friend Val. She has pushed me when I needed a push, supported me when I needed support and run with me when I needed company and for all those reasons and more, I am eternally grateful. So many people have donated to my charity, Dylan’s Wings of Change, to date 70 people have donated money to support me and my charity and I am so insanely thankful to all of you who have given money to such a worthy cause as Dylan’s Wings of Change.
REFLECTION: I’ve been to hell and back in the last 10 months. From days I absolutely couldn’t even get out of bed, to running 20 miles, there have been ups and downs of epic proportion, but the one constant among it all, has been the love and messages of support I have received from so many people. Please know that just because I did not name you above, does not lessen the impact you have had on my life in the last 8 months and your kindness will truly never be forgotten. The Phoenix has risen from the ashes on the shoulders of all of you! Thank you!
DONATE: If you are so inclined, please donate to my charity, Dylan’s Wings of Change (donation will come up as Sandy Hook Promise Foundation but the money will go to DWC)
https://www.crowdrise.com/donate/project/sandy-hook-promise-foundation-nyc-2019/lynnsouza1
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You are an incredible woman and inspiration. Good luck to you on completing your goal, although I know you don’t need it - you’ve got this!